Pairing: The First Step Toward Trust in ABA

When families begin ABA therapy, it’s natural to feel eager for progress, to see a child start talking, reduce problem behaviours, or engage more with the world around them. And while those goals are important, there's something just as powerful that happens quietly at the very beginning of therapy. Something often overlooked, but absolutely foundational. It’s called pairing.

Pairing is the process of building a positive, trusting relationship between the therapist and your child. It’s the time spent laughing, following their lead, playing with what they love, and showing up with joy before teaching even begins. It’s how we tell your child, through our actions, “I’m safe. I’m fun. You can trust me.”

As behaviour analysts, we know that learning doesn’t happen in fear or pressure. True learning happens in connection. That’s why the first sessions may not look like “therapy” in the traditional sense. You might see your child’s therapist sitting on the floor, blowing bubbles, dancing with a toy, or simply waiting patiently while your child explores the room. This is not wasted time; it’s intentional, it’s the beginning of something beautiful.

Pairing allows us to become associated with your child’s favourite things - whether it’s a particular toy, sound, movement, or smile. By doing this, we become a source of good things, not demands. We become someone your child wants to be around. And once that bond is there, they are far more open to learning, growing, and trying new things.

The benefits of pairing go far beyond rapport. When done well, pairing:

• Builds trust - your child learns that their therapist is safe and predictable

• Creates a positive association with therapy - sessions become something to enjoy, not endure

• Encourages communication - even nonverbal children begin to reach out, gesture, smile, or lead interactions

• Reduces escape or challenging behaviours, because we’ve removed fear and replaced it with connection

• Sets the stage for future teaching, where your child is more likely to respond, engage, and thrive

For children with autism or developmental disabilities, the world can sometimes feel overwhelming, unpredictable, or even frightening. Pairing gives them a place of safety. It tells them: In this space, you are respected. You are understood. You are in control. And you are not alone.

To some, pairing might look like play. To us, it is therapy at its most human. It is the first step in honouring the child in front of us, not just their goals, but their personhood. It says, Before I teach you anything, I want to know you. I want you to feel safe with me. I want you to feel joy. And when a child feels joy in our presence, the real work can begin.

So if you’re a parent watching those early sessions and wondering why your child’s therapist is just playing, smiling, or following your child’s lead, know that something incredibly meaningful is happening. Trust is being built. A relationship is being formed, and that relationship is the bridge to every milestone ahead.

At Nova, we begin every therapeutic journey with compassion, patience, and presence. We believe that before we teach a child, we must first connect with them, and once that connection is there, every star can begin to shine.