Teaching Communication and Building Trust: Understanding the "My Way" Approach

One of the most compassionate and effective approaches to addressing severe problem behaviour in children with autism is the "My Way" approach developed by Dr. Gregory Hanley. Rooted in the values of dignity, trust, and safety, this approach has helped many families move from daily crisis to calm, connected interactions with their children.

The "My Way" approach is part of a larger model known as Skill-Based Treatment (SBT), which focuses on teaching communication and adaptive skills as the foundation for reducing problem behaviour. Instead of reacting to challenging behaviours with control or punishment, this method prioritizes creating a context where children feel safe, heard, and understood. From there, we teach the child to communicate their needs effectively and to tolerate everyday frustrations, such as waiting or hearing "no."

At the core of the My Way approach is the belief that severe problem behaviour usually stems from difficulty communicating and a lack of control over one’s environment. Many children with autism engage in aggression, self-injury, or meltdowns because they don’t have reliable ways to express themselves, or they’ve learned that those behaviours are the only way to get their needs met. The My Way approach addresses this by first allowing the child to access their preferred items or activities freely, without placing demands. This creates a setting where the child feels safe, happy, relaxed and engaged (HRE) and is not motivated to engage in problem behaviour.

Once that trust is established, we begin teaching the child to use a simple, functional communication response such as touching a card, using a gesture, or saying a word to ask for what they want. Over time, we help the child expand this skill by gradually teaching tolerance to small, manageable delays or denials. The goal is to help the child learn that asking appropriately is always more effective than using challenging behaviour, and that they can wait or hear "not right now" without losing access to the things they love.

What makes the My Way approach especially powerful is that it treats the child with respect from the very beginning. The process does not start by removing all reinforcers or exposing the child to frustration. Instead, it begins by understanding what the child finds valuable and creating positive experiences that reduce anxiety and build cooperation. The child is never forced into situations they aren’t ready for. Instead, we teach them step by step, in a way that builds confidence and success.

For families dealing with severe problem behaviour, this approach can be life-changing. It empowers children with autism to express their needs in appropriate ways, while also helping them develop the emotional resilience to handle life’s everyday challenges. Parents often report feeling more hopeful and connected to their child once communication improves and problem behaviour decreases. It also builds genuine rapport between parents and clinicians.

An additional benefit of the My Way approach is that it avoids the use of punishment or response blocking. Instead of managing behaviours after they happen, we focus on preventing them by teaching the skills that make those behaviours unnecessary. It’s a proactive, teaching-based approach that prioritizes relationships over compliance.

In our work at Nova ABA Services, we are proud to incorporate principles of the My Way approach when supporting families with children who engage in severe problem behaviours. We take time to understand your child’s unique needs, preferences, and challenges, and we build a plan that works with your child’s natural motivations. Most importantly, we support you, the parent or caregiver, in learning these strategies so that you feel confident and prepared in everyday life.

If your child struggles with behaviours that are affecting their safety, learning, or relationships, there is hope. With the right approach, rooted in compassion and communication, your child can learn new ways to thrive, and your family can regain a sense of peace and joy.